


Icy Patriot

by concertigrossi



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ALSA, Crack, Gen, Humor, Ice Bucket Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:13:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/concertigrossi/pseuds/concertigrossi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For once, Tony Stark's challenge didn't involve too much alcohol or too little clothing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Icy Patriot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gth694e](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gth694e/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Challenge Accepted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2206569) by [gth694e](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gth694e/pseuds/gth694e). 



> This is very, very late, but better late than never?
> 
>  
> 
> I got challenged by gth694e, and since I am WAAAAAY more than 24 hours out on this, Mandy, I will forward you the receipt of the donation as soon as I get it.
> 
> But she called me out, and I am answering. She said to use any of the characters that were challenged in my fic, and here it is.
> 
> I challenge anyone else who feels like participating, with the characters Nick Fury, Maria Hill, or any iteration of The Cellist.

“Sir, I have to tell you, Iron Man just called you out.”

Unsurprisingly, this was not the first time James Rhodes had heard these words.

“What is it now, Major?” he asked with a due sense of trepidation.

“Come and see.” Major Allen pulled up YouTube on his computer and turned the screen so Rhodey could watch a very soggy, very cold Tony Stark get doused with a bucket of ice water.

He could just imagine how much Pepper enjoyed doing that.

“I also nominate James Rhodes, Pepper Potts, and Phil Coulson,” said Tony.

Well, for once, Tony Stark's challenge didn't involve too much alcohol or too little clothing. Rhodey knew very well what it was about – he'd seen the videos on the Internet, like everyone else – and, seeing as how it was a very good cause, he opted to take Stark up on it. Rhodey watched a few of the answered challenges with an eye to the best way to approach it, and quickly realized that he wasn't going to top some of the flashier entries (and had less than no desire to get hypothermia), so he decided to play it straight. He talked to some of his MIT buddies and the Base PR office and put together a short, informative video about ALS and the difficulties involved in researching the disorder. He put the video up on YouTube, made a thousand-dollar donation to the ALSA, and really thought that would be the end of it.

….

He should have known better.

….

His phone rang at an ungodly hour of the morning. Rhodey answered it on autopilot.

“'lo?”

“Wuss.”

“Who is this?” Rhodey knew damn well who it was, but at 4:30am, he was entitled to some uncooperative behavior.

“Oh, you've got more than one person taking you to task for being an utter pantywaist? I'm not surprised,” said Stark.

“Tony, I made the donation and a video. That's all that was required.”

“The _bare minimum._ I expected to see some creativity here! Bill Nye had a better video than that!”

“You're calling me at this hour to bitch because I didn't dump a bucket of freezing water on my head.”

“I'm calling to bitch because your video was boring as Hell, and yes, that was a total cop out!” said Tony.

“I fulfilled the terms of the deal. Now I'm going back to bed. Some of us have to work tomorrow.”

“Don't you dare hang up on me! We're not through here!”

Rhodey hung up and flopped back down on the pillow.

He would gladly have written off the conversation as a figment of his overworked nightmare reel, but as he walked into the office, he saw his staff clustered around yet another YouTube video. At his appearance, the group scattered, leaving the hapless Captain French (whose desk it was) holding the bag.

“Something interesting going on?” he asked as the tension built in his shoulders.

“Ah. Tony Stark put up another video...” he stammered, and turned his monitor. Tony's voice blared over the speakers.

“Now, by the terms of the challenge, you can pay $100 and get out of the ice-bucket bath – and, to his credit, Rhodes has donated ten times that amount – but I think we've all come to expect a higher standard from the members of our Armed Forces. So I'm putting the military on notice – I will donate an additional $10 for every uniformed member of any branch of the US Armed Forces who takes an ice bucket in Colonel James “Complete and Total Sissy” Rhodes' name. This offer is in place until such time as Colonel Rhodes mans up and gets himself dumped with a bucket of near-freezing H2O.”

“If you want, sir, we could get this set up for this morning. Get it over with, as it were,” said French.

“Captain, I am under no circumstances slopping water all over myself just to make Tony Stark happy.”

“But sir...”

“And that's final.”

 

….

 

Or it would have been, but the answering videos started almost immediately, most with color commentary. And, needless to say, the inter-Service rivalries were certainly not ignored.

“Well, what do you expect from the Chair Force?” asked a marine at Fort Bragg, just before his barrack-mates drenched him.

“Whatsa matter, flyboy? Gonna mess up your manicure?” laughed a petty officer in Okinawa, shaking the ice chips from her hair.

Rhodes just dug in his heels. The longer he drew this out, the more it was going to cost Tony and besides, the money was going to a good cause.

The videos escalated. A group of airmen at Thule managed to accomplish the challenge before the water in their buckets froze completely; a nuclear sub surfaced in the Antarctic icepack long enough for the XO to get splashed with a bucketful of Southern Ocean water; an Army drill team doused themselves in perfect unison; and nobody was really sure how that platoon at that undisclosed location in the Middle East got their hands on that much ice but they acquired it somehow, and the challenge became an impromptu snowball fight for as long as the ice lasted.

That video became the universal favorite.

Rhodes remained adamant, even as the whole thing continued to escalate. The pressure to give in started to come down from above: after the snowball fight video hit CNN, their office had a visit from the one-star in charge of their division.

“Walk with me, Rhodes,” said General Prentice.

“Yes, sir,” he said, and followed the general outside to make a circuit of the building.

“There's been a lot of fuss about that challenge of yours. Getting a lot of distracting press,” said Prentice.

“I know, sir, but it'll blow over.”

“You could end it now...”

“Trust me when I say that giving in to Tony Stark just encourages him.”

“So does ignoring him, it would seem.”

Rhodes turned to the general. “Sir, you can't order me to dump a bucket of ice water on my head.”

“No, you're quite right there. I can't. Nor can I order anyone else to do it. So I just want to make it clear...” General Prentice looked up at the roof of the building they were passing and nodded. “I just want to make it clear that Colonel Danvers is doing this on her own time.”

Rhodey started to flinch, but it was too late. Carol had already started her dive, and before she'd even finished her war whoop, the contents of the bucket she was carrying splashed frigidly over his head.

He didn't shriek. He emphatically didn't shriek, and, as it turned out, there was video evidence to prove that.

“Did you get that, Jenkins?” asked the General.

“Yes sir,” said the airman, stepping out from behind a parked car.

Rhodey sputtered, twisting and bouncing a little as an errant cube made its way down his back. “I'll get you for this, Danvers.”

“Talk is cheap, War Machine,” grinned Carol.

“You do get to challenge someone now, sir.” said Jenkins, trying to make it better.

Rhodey sighed, then looked into the airman's phone. “I challenge Nick Fury, Maria Hill and Phil Coulson, since it was your sorry-ass team that got me into this mess.”

“And Tony? You owe me a new set of dress blues.”


End file.
